


It Always Rains The Hardest On Those Who Deserve The Sun

by leonard_mccoy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Depressed Stephen, Feels, Guilty Tony, IT'S REALLY ANGSTY, IronStrange, M/M, Peter is a smol adorable child who must be protected, Protective Tony, Restrained Stephen, Schizophrenic Stephen, So does Peter, Suicidal Stephen, Supreme husbands, Tony cries in this one, but it's kind of bittersweet, mentioned graphic suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:02:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16045712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonard_mccoy/pseuds/leonard_mccoy
Summary: After Stephen attempts to kill himself, Tony and their son Peter come to terms with the pain and the guilt lurking just out of reach, as they watch over him.





	It Always Rains The Hardest On Those Who Deserve The Sun

 

_The cold metal resting against his temple. His shaking fingers curling around the trigger. A scream. The gunshot. White-hot pain erupting from the back of his skull and trickling all the way down his spine. Urged whispers, someone gently cradling his head. Muffled sobs, repetitive footsteps.._

Stephen groaned, his head pounding as he stirred very slightly. The first thing that came slowly back to him was the notion that he’d failed. This sent a sense of dread through him, closely followed by guilt. And upon trying to move- fear. His wrists felt like they were weighed down by an invisible force, like a powerful magnetic field. His ankles were just as immovable.

 _Where am I?_  His throat was dry, but that was the least of his worries right now, he was sure. He tried to open his eyes, and in his hazy, slowly adjusting vision, he could make out a lone figure standing alone, not far from him.

“Tony?” Stephen mumbled instinctively, and the figure moved immediately, coming into view.

“You fucking idiot” Tony said quietly, his voice breaking with every syllable. “You fucking… _idiot_ , how could you do this to me?” He was standing now, calloused hands clenched into shaking fists. “To our  _son_?”

“Do what?” The sorcerer tried, keeping his expression neutral for a moment, but the mask cracked immediately the second Tony’s face came into clearer focus. He’d been crying…Tony never cried. Ever. The only time he’d ever cried was when Thanos had forced Stephen to give up the Eye. He’d cried from the expression on his partner’s face. Because of the fear in those blue-green eyes, the fear hidden behind a calm facade. Even then….

…it was  _nothing_  like this.

“Why?”

The question hung in the air, a word that could not be answered simply. For how was Stephen to describe the overwhelming helplessness he’d been struck by, the void calling out to him, the voices, the whispers, the rush of air that came when standing upon a precipice, surrounded by the bodies of those who had succeeded not so long before…

“Just tell me why” Tony was saying, trying to keep his voice steady. “Tell me why you tried that, why you risked everything, left everything behind. I don’t believe you’re selfish, just that you’re hiding something and I want to know what it is. Please. Dammit, Stephen, I need to know. If it’s relationship trouble, if someone else is involved, if you-”

“Tony” Stephen cut in immediately, swallowing hard. “You’re not serious, are you? You don’t actually think I’d ever  _cheat_  on you?!”

“I don’t know what to think, alright?” Tony ran a hand shakily through his hair. “I don’t know, all I know is that I came home and Peter was crying, kneeling beside you. He thought you were dead, you asshole, I thought I’d…” Tony lowered his voice. “I thought we’d lost you.”

Stephen looked up slowly, meeting Tony’s gaze directly.

“Well you haven’t.”

“Thanks to Steve.”

“I thought you said Peter-”

“Yeah well it was Rogers who carried you here. Peter was too shocked to do anything, I had to sedate him half an hour ago. Poor kid’s broken up. Don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this before. Like, ever.”

Stephen looked away, closing his eyes again.

“I’m sorry” he managed quietly.

“You’d better be” Tony countered, but he didn’t have the heart to keep torturing him. What was the point anyway? He’d tried, he’d survived, and he was dealing with enough guilt already. But there was that small part of Tony that wanted to yell, to scream, to self-destruct, to somehow express the pain he felt. Yet there was nothing he could do. Nothing except watch out for his partner, even if that meant keeping him here til the wave passed. Tony bowed his head and rested his elbows on his knees.

“I’m just…tired of losing the people I love, okay?” He finally blurted out. “Nearly lost Rhodey, nearly lost Peter to that fucking psychopath, and now I nearly lost you.”

Stephen listened in silence.

Tony had the right to be angry, to rant and shout and break things, but this…this pained tone, the downcast eyes, the desperation, the tears…this was so much worse and Stephen’s guilt only worsened.

It might have been easier to handle this if Tony had attacked him. But did he deserve to have it easy? Probably not. Of course not. He’d selfishly tried to take his life, completely ignoring the fact that there was a man out there, a man who loved him, and a son who looked up to both of them.  _Interesting_   _expression, taking your life_  Sherlock Holmes had once said.  _Taking it from who? A suicide kills two people._

Three in this case. Peter didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve to see one of the people he called a father in that kind of state. He was already a survivor and this….this must have really hurt him beyond imagining. The horror of realising that a man he trusted cared more about himself than the teenager in his care. That instead of using that gun to protect him, Stephen had chosen to put it to his own temple and fire.

He’d chosen himself over his family. And that thought alone was horrifying, once you thought about it more carefully. Not that he wanted to. But what choice did he have?

“Stephen? Hey, look at me.”

The sorcerer turned slightly, breaking out of his daze.

“I…what..sorry..I didn’t hear-”

“I didn’t say anything.” Tony stared at him, biting his lip for a moment, before he reached out, cupping his cheek with one hand. “But you did.”

“Great. What sort of crap did you hear? Is this about the Cloak stealing your keys after you left them in seven different places in a row?”

Tony rolled his eyes.

“You can joke all you want, but you keep forgetting that I..know..you. I know you, Stephen.”

“Oh good, that means I didn’t just marry a stranger.”

Tony sighed.

“I do that too, you know. The whole I’m-not-fine-so-I’ll-hide-it-with-badly-placed-sarcastic-humor thing. So yeah, I know what it looks like.”

“I know you do. Part of your charm.” He slowly adjusted his position, trying to put less weight on his shoulders.

“Stop struggling will you? Just stay still. The more you move the more I…feel guilty for…”

“Fine. But I don’t blame you, I blame myself.”

“We’re both to blame.”

“Look, this is the right thing to do-”

“I’m not talking about the restraints” Tony cut in. “I’m talking about leaving you alone when your head was clearly in a dark place.”

“It’s been there before” Stephen mumbled.

“I know it has, which is why this my fault. I should have done something about it, talked to you…I don’t know. Something.”

“This isn’t on you, Tony. It’s on me. I’m the one that let you down. You’ve never done that. Don’t blame yourself. Just…don’t. Please.”

“Then tell me why.”

“I wanted a way out, alright? I couldn’t…I couldn’t hold onto nothing, I couldn’t just keep going. I wanted out. I was tired, Tony. So damn tired. So I just…tried to let go.”

Tony fell silent, letting his hand drop, but he couldn’t stay idle for long, and fiddled with the ring on his finger, trying to calm down. He was aware of Stephen’s gaze still on him, but couldn’t bring himself to meet it again. What more could he say?  _I’m glad you’re not dead_ ,  _please don’t try that again?_  That sounded stupid, even in his head.

_“Mr Stark, he’s not moving! Mr Stark, please, please help me, I can’t…I can’t get him to wake up, Mr Stark please!”_

_“Stay there, kid, stay with him, can you feel a pulse?!”_

_“N-no-”_

_Fuck. Tony reached for his phone with shaking hands, punching in the digits depending on muscle memory, calling Steve, his gaze fixed on Peter and Stephen’s seemingly lifeless body, never wavering. He didn’t even allow himself to blink._

E _ven when his fellow Avenger picked up, Tony realized he could barely speak, barely get the words out, and every syllable felt like a seperate battle, but the voice in his head kept him going, reminding him that he was all Peter had right now, he couldn’t freak out, he had to be the adult. He had to be responsible, no matter how painful it all was, no matter what he felt, he had to do this for Peter._

_Peter…_

“Mr Stark, wake up!”

Peter.

Tony bolted upright and ended up falling off his chair. He’d fallen asleep, and night had already fallen outside. He groaned, glanced across at Stephen, who was sleeping- looking surprisingly comfortable despite his awkward position- then looked back at Peter.

“Whats wrong?” Tony managed, looking his son over. Peter still looked scared, but most of the paleness had gone from his face by now. Aside from a slight tremor in his leg, he seemed considerably better than the last time Tony had seen him.

“Nothing, just…” Peter hesitated slightly. “How is he?”

Tony’s worried frown deepened slightly.

“Not bleeding at least” He said quietly, before absentmindedly pulling Peter into a tight hug, not wanting to let go of him. He was warm, and his pulse was elevated slightly from adrenaline.

Peter leaned into him gladly, burying his head in Tony’s shoulder.

“He’s okay” Tony murmured, as he pulled his son closer. “He’s with us.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
